August 23, 2007 – In Matt 16:17 Jesus tells Peter that God (not man) revealed to him the great spiritual revelation about Jesus being the Messiah. I can’t make spiritual revelation happen for my students. Only God can impart to them the truth I tell them everyday.
August 20, 2007 – I found myself thinking again about the sons of God concept and wondering if there are two different meanings when the Bible says “sons” because some places where it uses sons seems to be very selective such as “as many as are led by the Spirit are the sons of God” and “the creation waits for the manifestation of the sons of God”. But the normal theology is that all Christians are the sons. So I was thinking maybe there is a deeper level of sonship or something that applies to these kind of scriptures. Then about 20 minutes later I was in the swing reading a book on the anointing and this author was talking about the Romans 8 scripture about the creation waiting for the sons and she says, “The word here is ‘huios’ which means a mature son”. AHH!!! Yes! I love it J
August 15, 2007 – Philippians 1:28-30 seems to indicate it is our privilege to suffer for Christ. Hebrews 11:35-40 talks about heroes of the faith, so great “the world was not worthy” of them, who met “divine approval” and yet they were described as “utterly destitute”, “oppressed”, “cruelly treated”, etc. Does this sound like a passage from “Your Best Life Now”?
There is some very interesting instruction in 1 Corinthians 5:9-13. First it gives us permission to be friends with sinners as long as we are not closely or habitually associated with them. Then it strictly forbids us to even dine with a Christian who is not right with God in some big way (idolatry, immorality, greed, foul tongued, drunkard, or robber). That’s hard instruction. Does that mean I am to not even associate with my own biological brother because he claims to still believe in God but has problems with at least two of these things? Then it goes on to explain that we are to judge Christians! I think maybe he is talking about church leaders judging those in their own congregations to pass disciplinary judgment on them. And then he explains we are not to judge sinners at all, which makes sense as we would never expect anything more than sin from them anyway…
August 12, 2007 – Pastor Don pointed out Acts 5:10-14, how the early church certainly did not cater to the unbeliever. They catered to God and people were actually scared of going to church. And somehow the church continued to grow. Amazing the contrast between how they did church back then and somehow continued to grow and how we do church now (catering to people, doing everything to make them comfortable in church, whether saved or unsaved) and somehow continue to die. The problem is we try to do in church what we’re supposed to be doing at Wal-Mart. We try to win the lost in church and that’s not what it was supposed to be for. But we’re so insecure that we’re certainly not going to win the lost out in the marketplace so we are left with trying to get them into church. The church is for worship and fellowship with other Christians and training.
I also got a revelation that I should only stress about the things Jesus “stressed” about. American Christians get stressed about so many things but Jesus only got “stressed” about such things as 1. doing the Father’s will (in the Garden), 2. the welfare of little children (when he took time to minister to them and said it would be better to have a millstone tied around you and thrown into the sea than to cause a child to fall, so in other words we should be concerned for the orphans and aborted babies), and 3. religion in the church (the way he always took time to “stress” the hypocrisy of the Pharisees),
I’m currently ministering to more troubled teens than ever. We have 9 in Phase 1 right now. I have 8 fairly new students and I’ve already highly personalized nearly all of them, meaning I have become attached to them and carry them in my heart. Each of them have their own horrible things they are dealing with and difficult situations they are coming from and carry with them. I was thinking about it last night and felt a touch of feeling overwhelmed by the weight of their bondage and hurt when I remembered what God had said, “I need to be able to trust you with more difficult situations but I can’t until you learn to rest in me.” Ahh, yes… So He has trusted me with more and last night and this morning I’ve been careful to lay in His presence and lay the burdens down at His feet. I’m ready to go in His strength and not my own, continuing to take on the burdens of those I’m ministering to. And another thing I’ve seen recently is that I should not be discouraged when they get really bad. It very well may be that God is working in them and answering my prayers. It makes sense that when God comes in and brings conviction and such that they would respond with outbursts and emotional storms.
God is still speaking about the masculine spirit and how we need it back in the church. Building off what He had already shown me, He recently showed or reminded me of three areas the lack of the masculine spirit has hurt the church:
August 5, 2007 – Freedom doesn’t mean less bound and learning to cope with the rest of your bondage. Freedom means NO bondage. God didn’t bring these boys to TC to learn to cope with addictions and their issues. FREEDOM!!!!
August 3, 2007 – Last night I had a dream and I was in a church service and President Bush had come to address the crowd. After he got done we were sitting in the church and a sound as of a rushing mighty wind filled the house. I didn’t feel the wind but the sound was unmistakable. We kept trying to figure out anything else it could be but could think of nothing but God. The anticipation of greatness was overwhelming. The first thought that came to my mind was “oh crap” as godly fear filled me as to what could happen if God was showing up.
July 31, 2007 – In prayer this morning pastor Don had a vision of a flood in Prairie Grove. It was a spiritual flood as we had been asking God for a deluge of His Spirit – that we don’t need showers of blessings but a flood of His Spirit. I was reminded of the scriptures I had read just yesterday about that river that flows from the throne of God. It’s mentioned several times in the Bible and one characteristic is that it gets deeper the farther away it gets from the source. I wondered how that worked and I feel like God shared with me how that when he says it’s living water that it’s not a figurative thing but a literal thing. The water is actually alive and so it reproduces itself as it flows. Then I began to pray this morning not just for the river to come through our area but also that we would be those trees that the end of Revelation makes clear grow by it. Then the Lord showed me how that the same Tree of Life that starts the Bible is the very tree we see at the end and how that Jesus is the Tree. However David in Psalm 1 and Jeremiah in Jeremiah 17 talks about us being LIKE a tree planted by the river. So as we imitate Christ we become like trees of life ourselves soaking up the living water from the river of life and our leaves are for the healing of the nations.
Last week Pastor Don talked about David and how when the Bible says he was ruddy faced it means he was red faced. If David was a Jew with a red faced it may very well be that he was an embarrassment to the family and would explain why he was being kept in the fields with the sheep while the others were in public service. It’s even possible that dad was so embarrassed that he hoped David would be taken out by the bears and lions….that would explain why he had no weapons while protecting the sheep. How amazing to think that God wants to use the ones left behind and forgotten, the embarrassments…seems like I know a few of those. This from pastor Don concerning why he thinks David was such an embarrassment: Masculinity in that culture was very important. Strength was measured differently and those who seemed weak or sickly were an embarrassment . Even today those who seem to not have masculine features or look different are treated different. Where America in inclusive, the middle eastern mind sees men and youth as someone to be warriors and not just shop keepers and shepherds alone but strong and fierce when needed. boys aren't even considered to be men until a certain age not based on intelligence. The Patriarch of the middle eastern family is embarrassed if there seems to be any defect in Him or his family. It's a matter of honor to show strength and a version of perfection to others.
July 24, 2007 – I’m more aware than ever that the world is my pulpit and all my life is on the clock for the Kingdom. Everywhere I go I am a full-time minister. I was so full of this when I went to Wal-Mart tonight that I was praying in tongues on the way there getting ready for whatever encounter I may have, fully expecting God to show me someone to pray for or to heal. As it happened I got no clear leading until I was headed back out to the car. In the parking lot l passed a very old and crippled couple trying to get their things in their van. They had a large bag of charcoal and another large bag of cat food and because I was looking for someone that God might speak to me about I immediately noticed their need. I helped them get their heavy things in their car and I think that was the encounter and I think God reminded me that he that is faithful in small things will be trusted with bigger things. So if I can now start to minister in small ways like helping old people get their stuff loaded I can eventually be trusted to heal them too. Not that helping them out wasn’t a great thing to do but the greater gift would have been a healing in their bodies and greater than that would have been salvation if they needed it.
The other day Austin told me a dream he had and asked if I had an interpretation for it. At the time I had not specific leading to what it might mean. But while soaking in the Lord at home a couple days later I got it. When he gets out of TC there will be new temptations and traps fashioned for him (a new kind of acid being cooked up) and it will come via the same old friends (the old friend who was cooking the acid). Who knows what it is: porn? Popularity? Girlfriends? Whatever it is, it’s probably not drugs and it’ll be a new challenge for him. He needs to beware the old friends.
July 20, 2007 – An awesome new motto from pastor Don: “It’s not the word we speak but the Word we repeat.” The name it and claim it people taught us to speak it and it’s ours. God is currently teaching many that we first have to hear and then we repeat what we hear and THAT is the word that has power in it. The scripture in Hebrews that says the word of God is sharper than a double edged sword uses the word Rhema for “word”! It’s the word God speaks now in your spirit that is so powerful!
July 16, 2007 – The other day I had such a headache shortly after waking up that I could hardly do anything but lay around. I called in at work and didn’t go in on time. I finally decided to go about 4:00 and nearly didn’t make it. I could hardly drive I was hurting so bad and it was making me nauseous. I felt led to push on and once I got there God healed me completely!
July 12, 2007 – I think it was Sunday or Tuesday that I heard someone or read something about why did God rest on the 7th day. I found this an intriguing question since He obviously wasn’t tired. “To set an example” is a poor explanation for which there is no support. This person or article (I don’t remember now what it was – maybe Bill Johnson) went on to say it was two fold: 1. He had made man on the sixth day and he rested in his fellowship with us, and 2. He had made man and now he could turn over responsibilities for earth over to us so he rested from his labor on earth. That was an interesting thought until last night I went to a meeting pastor Don was teaching at and he opened with the question, “Why do you think God rested on the seventh day?” Oh yes, God had my attention now. Pastor Don spent the whole night talking about true rest and how just like God rested in us we are to find our rest in Him. The bible is full of talking about this. God’s inheritance for the Israelites was rest. When they refused to obey he swore they would never enter His rest. The New Testament makes it clear there still remains a Sabbath rest. So this rest comes when we are willing to just be with Him and know Him. This brings trust which sets the heart at rest in all situations. Mary sat at Jesus feet while others were thinking of other things. Later she demonstrated that she had a greater revelation than even the disciples because she was anointing Him and preparing Him for burial way before the disciples came to grips with the reality that he was going to die. When they arrested and tried and killed Jesus the disciples were freaking out but Mary was right there. She was grieving but she was at rest because she had a revelation that enabled her to rest in the reality that this is part of a plan and God is in control. God isn’t harshly correcting me for my reaction on Monday night when we couldn’t find James and I had to leave him behind, but when I asked God what is He trying to say to me through all this Sabbath rest stuff, I was reminded of how freaked out I had been. God says He wants to rest in me but if I refuse to rest in Him, then He can’t rest in me. I don’t have to understand all of God’s plan, just that He has a plan. God also indicated that He wants to trust me with more difficult situations but He needs me to be able to not freak out and to rest even when it seems horrible and doesn’t makes sense. This new mode He’s bringing me into was tested just an hour after He explained this to me. Phyllis called and James’s injuries are more extensive than I thought. He had not run away but had overdosed on cold meds. He was laying in some bushes near a restaurant in his dad’s neighborhood – right where I had been looking for him and asking God for direction. Had he been found when I was looking for him (only an hour after he’d disappeared) he would be in MUCH better shape right now. All the problems he’s facing right now have to do with the drugs being in him for so long. Again, I questioned God as to why he wouldn’t not show me where he was. But this time I approached Him knowing He has a plan and resting in that. I believe that God didn’t let me find him because if I had the experience would not have been bad enough to wake James up.
Update July 20, 2007 – God spoke to me more about the resting thing. He can’t rest in me until I’m willing to rest in Him. Hebrews 3 and 4:1 talks about this. On the way to St. Louis to spend the day with James in the hospital I was thinking about this resting and God showed me it’s the same as when His Spirit rested in the temple and the glory filled it, or when the Holy Spirit rested on Jesus at his baptism, or like the Spirit rested so on men like Finney and Wigglesworth. When He can rest in us we walk around in His power.
July 11, 2007 – I sense and it has been confirmed in several ways that this is a season of unusually strong activity of heaven on earth. We have to press in through prayer and pure living and we can have a portion of this activity on the Ranch. I just got back two three days ago from Summer Break. Much of break was boring as many that I wanted to be with were gone to Africa, Kelli in Germany, and Lauran and Mitchell on a mission trip to Mexico. But the end was so big it made the whole break seem huge. First of all I’m getting back to the intensity and place in God that I’m supposed to be at. I fasted one meal a day on break up until the Call. I spent morning prayer time every day which was one of the wine skins I failed to keep the first half of this year and left me with no wine. The Call was amazing. So many people and the all day joint fasting and prayer was more significant than anyone really knows. I believe miracles and such will be easier to come by after this.
On break I had a couple dreams. One was simply the most beautiful song I can ever imagine. It was other-worldly in its beauty and it was enchanting. It was so beautiful and enchanting that I couldn’t remember any of it when I woke up, only how beautiful it was. I believe I was allowed to hear in my dreams the songs that Father was singing over me. I’ve prayed for my boys before that God would open their ears and let them hear His love songs over them, but I never expected it for me! However, in the dream I think it was me singing so it could have been the pure love song of my Spirit to Him, unhindered by my mind and flesh. Another dream was simply I was having Worcestershire Sauce poured out all over me. That is the main sauce I use in marinating steaks and so I believe it sends me the message that I am being marinated because I am the meat for these kids. I believe that as Jesus said, “eat my flesh” so I am to follow his example and offer myself for these kids. I know that sounds sacrilegious if taken the wrong way, but I know well I am not meat in lieu of the Word which is Jesus. We all eat his flesh, but then we are the body of Christ on the earth so no matter how you go about it, it comes back around to the reality that like Paul, I’m being poured out as a drink offering. I would never have used “eat my flesh” terminology but then God is the one who gave me such a vivid dream.
We had 3 kids who tried to run instead of come back to TC. We got one back. I went after James myself yesterday all the way to St. Louis. But when I had got there he had taken off only an hour before. Phyllis and I looked for him all afternoon and night and couldn’t find him. It was heartbreaking because it had been decided that we weren’t going to allow him to manipulate his folks and us and get all this extra time on break because he refuses to go when they can take him. Since he didn’t come back with me last night he shut the door on TC and I can’t do anything about it. I cried and cried for a long time last night on the way home. I am learning I have to trust God when I don’t understand. I don’t understand…I prayed and wanted so much for God to give me prophetic guidance to find James. I know that even if my ear was so dull that I couldn’t hear Him, He could still give me an obvious sign. I kept my ears listening and my eyes looking for some guidance and I got nothing that panned out. I could get mad at God if I was stupid but since I’m not I’m just confused a little, frustrated more, and heartbroken the most. We lose kids all the time at TC. It looks like we have 4 kids that are not coming back and one I can say goodbye to with almost no feeling (Jake). He’s been here 5 months and has been nothing but a pain in the butt and never got anything out of it. Another was still on Phase 1 and was a huge pain in the butt but we were seeing significant progress and it hurts a lot to lose him (Josh, parents’ decision). Another (Cody) I don’t understand because he was getting close to phase 3 and even though he probably messed up on break he could still pick up and graduate in a decent amount of time but he is choosing to do juvi instead. It’s easier to rot in jail for 3 months than to mature at TC for a year, I guess. I loved this kid too and was excited about him being here. This is a significant loss. However all of these kids I was able to say goodbye to without tears but to lose James tore me up real bad. I don’t understand but I HAVE to trust God.
Speaking of kids I’m attached to, Elijah took the flight up here to see me. He was in the middle as far as his pendulum swinging and we were able to have a really good time together all the way up until we were almost to Kirbyville. We had gone out to the Richland creek and done the waterfalls, hiking, swimming and all and we had had lots of fun. But at the end of our drive home I took issue with a song that has to do with a guy picking up this girl in a bar and daydreaming about all the sexual things he’d like to do to her. As it happened he really liked the song and it pissed him off that I took issue with it. After that we were still cool but not as cool as before. But at least we had a great time overall. He nearly decided to come live up here but in the end he stayed put. I love him like no other but I don’t know if I’m going to be an influence in his life much longer. It’s really up to him.
Something happened the last two or so days on my break that may have been prophetic. There were 3 things I thought I had lost and all three of them showed up unexpectedly. One was my sunglasses that clip onto my prescription glasses. I had looked for them in the normal places in the car and couldn’t find them. I thought I must have taken them off when I got gas and put them on the car or something and forgot about them. But on Sunday they were in the little middle console where I had looked before but this time they were there. Likewise I thought I must have taken a CD case full of a Bill Johnson series I was listening to out of the car and left somewhere or maybe it fell out because it was gone. I felt bad because it was borrowed. But when vacuuming the car yesterday on the way to get James I found it under the seat. The strangest one, and the one that leads me to think this is prophetic is a computer power adaptor that went missing a week or more before break. I was upset about this one because I NEED it for the computer and it would be expensive to replace. I had looked high and low…all over the ranch, all over my car, and of course I had emptied my computer backpack at least a couple times looking for it. Plus more than 3 weeks had gone by with no sign of it. I decided that it had probably been thrown away at the ranch. Well, about 3 or 4 days ago, I was pulling something out of my computer bag and like pulling a rabbit out of a magic hat, I pulled out this cable I had been missing. That is so baffling I can only surmise that God is trying to tell me something. The only thing I can think is that He’s telling me that things I thought were lost are not really lost. Elijah? James? I dunno. I sure was thinking about that yesterday when I was looking for James for 5 or 6 hours.
June 17, 2007 – What if God came like we keep asking Him to? I think it would mess things up pretty badly…at least the things we are comfortable being the way they are. When you look at when God came in the Bible, it wasn’t necessarily all roses. There were some difficult things that happened. When God comes down things that are wrong get made right. Be sure you’re right before God comes! He is giving you time…
John came preaching the gospel of repentance. Jesus came preaching the gospel of the Kingdom. Don’t settle for the gospel of John and just be saved. That’s too easy. The Kingdom gospel requires more than repentance, it requires to take up your cross and follow Him.
I have this personal vision along with many in the body to see the fulfillment of many of the promises Jesus gave us that we have never seen in our lifetimes such as “the works I do you will do and greater” or “in my name they will cast out demons and heal the sick”. However it occurred to me during Tuesday night meeting that those are not the only promises we were given that we have not seen…He also said, “If they hated me they will hate you,” and “many of you will be persecuted.” We’re not seeing signs and wonders in America but we’re also not seeing the persecution… Both promises need to be fulfilled.
June 5, 2007 – When someone says we don’t have to be so ambitious about seeking God’s voice before we do anything I can point to several examples in my own life when I acted without God’s command and how it hurt me. Also:
When we are truly following the Spirit we will be as unpredictable as the wind (“so it is of one who is born again”). That’s because we’re following a God who is as unpredictable as the wind. I mean of course he is going to follow His nature as outlined in the Word but we don’t really know the plans He has in mind or what He is doing unless the Spirit reveals it to us. We know the wind is blowing but we don’t know where and we don’t know when it will change. Watch campfire smoke, for example. But if we ever learn to hear his voice and be those sons who are led by the Spirit of God we’ll take on this nature and be like the wind.
The boys are a constant frustration but I know that God said I can’t fix them, only He can and I have to worry only about fixing me. Also no one can come to God unless the Spirit (not Steve) draws him or them. I am reminded of the boys as I look at Ezekiel 36:24-31. God is promising to restore and save and I notice that it is HE who does all this…not Steve.
Matthew 11:11-12 and Luke 16:16 seems to be talking about two different kinds of people. On one side they are trying to get into the Kingdom their own way, probably works. ON the other side they are violently pushing into the Kingdom God’s prescribed way.
Mary’s anointing Jesus’ feet was a first love work. It was also prophetic not only concerning Jesus’ death but also the coming first love works of the generations of saints coming because of his death. He probably didn’t have a bath between his anointing and his crucifixion and so the smell was probably with him through the whole crucifixion thing, reminding him of the relationships with his saints to come and their first love to be lavished on Him. Mary literally prepared Him for death and therefore she had a revelation that the disciples didn’t have because of her forgetting everything else and sitting at the feet of Jesus.
Vision casting has become a popular phrase as well as “my vision”. Where there is no vision the people perish and so we often make up our own vision instead of paying the cost to find His.
It’s interesting that one of the judgments against a rebellious nation is that God said he would turn the leaders over to a reprobate mind…
Justin wants me to teach “How Do I Know I’m A Christian” to the phase 1 over the next week or so…I’m not sure how this is going to work. I’m afraid of going by some book for this topic. I’m afraid they’re going to put it like if you said the prayer then you’re a Christian and I’m seeing verses like Hebrews 5:9 that says eternal salvation is for those who OBEY Him.
May 23, 2007 – The flesh wants to answer back to accusation and slander against yourself. I can argue with someone even when I KNOW I’m wrong because I want to be right or at least perceived right even if I’m really wrong. I need to learn to wait for the answer I am to give when I am corrected (Habakkuk).
We get free not by seeking our freedom but by seeking God. The biggest pursuit of our lives is God and His Kingdom and if we “seek first the Kingdom of God” then “all these things will be added”, including deliverance, holiness, etc. This revelation has been helping me stay the course in my pursuit and keeping me from focusing on other things that seem like a good thing to pursue but in reality only distract. If you look at John 3:30 you see that John the Baptist understood that Jesus doesn’t increase by me decreasing, but rather I decrease by allowing Him to increase. His increasing came first. It wasn’t that Jesus increased by John decreasing, it was that John decreased by Jesus increasing. We can’t focus on trying to decrease our flesh, we must focus on God increasing in us and the decreasing of the flesh will naturally (or supernaturally) follow.
2 Corinthians 3:18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord
We are only transformed from the image we have always been in into His image when we behold the glory of the Lord. Then we can truly be a reflection of the Father. So we must behold before we can transform. We must transform before we can reflect. If we could transform ourselves by just trying hard we would be in the flesh and we would only reflect ourselves. It has to be Him. Doing it any other way is religion. It’s like the Jews trying to get to God on their best efforts to keep the law so it’s like Paul said, you may as well go ahead and emasculate yourself…no matter how much you do or try on your own you’re still in the flesh and won’t really fix the problem.
Hebrews 12:1 talks about laying aside every weight and the sin that so easily snares us and then the next verse says, "looking unto Jesus..." Yeah...the connection is clearly there again between focusing on Jesus and ridding ourselves of sin. He is the only answer so we have only one thing to focus on. It’s so much simpler that way!
Another thought from Hebrews 12:1 is the fact that EACH of us has a race that God has set before us. We must find that race and run it!
May 15, 2007 – Saturday I preached at the Reconnect Weekend. I have never felt such confidence, not in me, but in the Holy Spirit. I was completely free of anxiety, worry, and pressure. I was aware that Pastor Don was praying and somehow that support of a spiritual father is taking a ceiling or limit off my life. I feel it and I experienced it Saturday night. It’s so opposite from what the natural mind would conceive. You would think that submitted to a father brings limitation but instead it’s removing limitation!
I’ve been thinking about how the boys are having a hard time getting radically saved, in other words I don’t seem them fired up for God. I think many of them have made a kind of commitment where they have a certain amount of faith, enough to say the prayer and maybe pray on occasion or read the Bible here and there. But I don’t see them developing in a love relationship of intimacy with God. So I’m wondering if it’s all because of how much they are force fed Jesus at the Ranch. I mean from the time they get to the Ranch they are forced to pray, forced to read and memorize the Bible, forced to set spiritual goals, forced to reach Christian books and forced to attend church and chapel every day. But the Bible says no man can come to God except the Spirit draw him. Another reason we have to get more dependent on the Holy Spirit and start fasting and praying as much as we push the program.
As for me, I’m being challenged by so much Biblical revelation that is so not what I’ve been raised to believe. I’ve been a second hand Christian, just raised to believe all the doctrines I’ve held to and not knowing any better. But God is wrecking some traditional doctrines in me. I know that sounds like a cult leader in the making but I have my guard up and I have found there is no question and no fear of error when I know it’s the Holy Spirit.
May 9, 2007 – A man from China said to an American church, “Until you win your Jerusalem, don’t bother coming to my Samaria.” In other words if we can’t put our own house in order and win our city then what business do we think we have going on little missionary adventures to other nations? It’s a sobering thought to contemplate before we take flippant little fun missions trips. Missions work isn’t for the adventure.
We cannot find our rest in God until God finds His rest in us. [August 31, 2007 – Interesting God was speaking to me about this months ago before I got the big lesson in it. However the new lesson seems to say it backwards, that God can’t rest in us until we rest in Him.]
I was thinking about a class I attended on how to get people saved. The formula was well thought out and we practiced on each other and had little cheat sheets to take with us. The church can come up with a formula for everything, but Mary had the best formula of all and it works for all the areas – evangelism, healing, miracles, provision, deliverance, etc. She simply said, “Do whatever He tells you.” “Apart from Me, you can do nothing,” Jesus said. So why in God’s name do we keep trying to do everything apart from Him?!
A statistic has 90% of pastoral work being counseling. Since when did Jesus spend 90% of His time talking to people about their psyche or about their problems? He fixed it; one step. Pastors should be feeding the sheep. They must give the babies their milk and the grownups their meat. When we sit around a family table there is a high chair and Gerber for the babies but places set for the adults to get their roast and gravy, too. We don’t all eat Gerber with the babies. Rather, on occasion a small piece of my roast might make it over to the baby until they begin to prefer the roast over the Gerber.
Jesus was so focused on the will of God that when soldiers came to arrest Him and torment Him, He was able to see it as a cup from His Father. When Joseph was arrested and thrown into prison was it not a cup from God to prepare him to later provide for his family? When Job went through all the crap he went through was it not God who came up with the idea (“have you considered my servant Job”)? God probably brought Job up to satan so that satan could work him over and get rid of the pride problem. Who’s to say what God might ask you to go through but you can count on Him getting you through. Jesus never prayed that satan wouldn’t sift Peter, but rather prayed that He’d stand in the middle of the sifting. So don’t tell me it’s not God’s will that we suffer, and don’t tell Jesus, Joseph, Peter and Job either.
May 2, 2007 – Prayer is part talking to God and part God talking to you. Today I’m focusing on the God talking to me part. I’m on a silent day which I think means I’m not talking until I get to church tonight. I thinks it’s part of God’s intention to help me develop an ear to hear the Spirit. I heard enough to know He wanted me silent today and to fast today (which I did until noon) but I’m not hearing enough to hear some bigger things. I also must work on being obedient to what I hear. Once I learn to hear I’m now responsible for what I hear. So there is a certain amount of caution in developing an ear to hear. Abraham heard God and God told him to go sacrifice his only son. Now he was responsible for obeying what he heard. But it all works so beautifully in the end. God has a beautiful plan and having an ear to hear and a heart to obey will make sure we get to play our part in the master plan. God had Abraham take Issac to be sacrificed on the same mountain Jesus climbed when he was crucified. Now what if Abraham had so much as decided on a different mountain than the one God said? Then this beautiful plan would have been messed up and Abraham wouldn’t have been privileged to play the part of God the Father in this prophetic drama. When we talk about moving and living in the Spirit we’re talking about all the time hearing the Spirit and obeying; whether it be big things like when the Spirit says to sacrifice the wonderful kids he gave me and move to Arkansas or if it be smaller things like stop in and buy gas here and minister to the man in a leather jacket getting a coke.
May 1, 2007 – The boys need to know about Gideon, David restoring the ark of the COVENANT (God in our midst, six steps, stop and sacrifice; 7 bulls, 7 rams), Jericho (7 days, 7 times), Elijah on Mt. Carmel in 1 Kings 18 (prayed 7 times, Baal was god of rain), Isaac in Genesis 26 redigging the wells of his father moving the covenant to the next generation (the oath is seven). All these stories God is speaking from NOW and all of them have to do with sevens or covenant.
April 30, 2007 – Well, I just ran into Cindy, another of the youth at New Life Visions, at the coffee shop and chatted a while. She’s 16 and she’s telling me the youth there are on fire even though there’s hardly any youth to speak of. I’m thinking Gideon’s army is already weeded out.
When talking about what we thought of the church last night Scott said something I thought was good. He said he liked that the preacher didn’t have to say a long enough prayer so that the choir had time to get down before everyone opened their eyes again and didn’t have to use hand signals during the transitional prayer to direct the show. I so agreed! Church has become such a spectator sport. When we pick which church to go to we often decide on the one that has the better show. We have to start picking churches based on what the Holy Spirit tells us to do and the things that get our attentions shouldn’t be how good the music or preaching is but do they have a prayer meeting and do they have a heart for their city?
Intercession is inviting God to bring his plan instead of ours; to interfere with our lives. What is the enemy doing to distract you from intercession? Seriously, ask yourself. Movies are still a temptation. Scott can be when he’s around. Housework can be. Sleeping can be. I want to be anxious to spend time with the Lord and prioritize Him again. If the man can make the sun stand still for Joshua, what fun we can have if I would just pray. Church leaders are working harder and harder in ministry, I’m working harder and harder when I don’t pray and getting less and less accomplished. Anytime you’re working harder and getting less accomplished it’s because you’re not praying! Because we don’t pray we don’t hear. We must hear and we must learn to refuse to act without hearing. It’s easy to refuse to act without hearing from God when you’re a baby Christian but when you’re older and have failed to develop an ear to hear it’s harder because it’s now easier to hit and miss and ask forgiveness when we miss than to develop an ear to hear.
April 29, 2007 – When I first came to Prairie Grove I kept an eye out for any potential church homes. One church I never thought I would go to was New Life Visions because of the cheesy florescent light bulb cross in their front yard. I expected simple backwards country people. I went tonight…it was what I thought, but it was also spiritually good. The interesting thing was that I had several of those runaway imaginations/visions things I get sometimes. I saw myself with a key to that church coming and praying there, I saw myself helping with music sometimes, I saw myself working with the teens there, I saw myself bringing John (the man who is currently the pastor’s right hand guy, stand in preacher, helping with the teens) over for lunch and letting him know I’m not there to compete with him but to just help. Yeah…it was pretty detailed. I think God is messing with me bad. But still I don’t want to just assume those were definitely God visions but I’m going to wait and see what happens. I’ll go again on a Sunday night and see how it goes. If this is God I don’t care what they’re like, I’ll do it. After service I met the two teens who were there, Caleb and Andrew. How prophetic. Could they be the ones who God wants me to start with and raise up a youth army in Prairie Grove? If they live up to their names sakes it shouldn’t be too hard. [update August 31, 2007 – I’ve been again to the church a couple times and am not as excited as I was before. I don’t feel any leading to do anything with them right now. Still, I don’t know that what I experienced wasn’t from God.]
April 26, 2007 – Ezekiel 46:13-15 talks about how the Lord wants a daily sacrifice of grain, oil, and a lamb every morning. He stressed how it is to be a perpetual and regular sacrifice, prepared every morning. I understand what He is showing us there as He has been dealing with me about giving him the first two hours of every morning in worship, prayer, and Bible study. This burnt flesh sacrifice is essential to the level He is trying to teach me to live at.
April 24, 2007 – Random thoughts inspired in various ways:
Jesus and the Father are in heaven. The Holy Spirit is in you. You are the voice of God.
If you go with the flow you’ll wind up down the drain.
Jesus said if two or three are gathered together in His name then He is there and their prayer will be heard. But what if the two or three are together not in His name or not in agreement? Then He is NOT there and their prayer will not be heard. If mom and dad are blaming each other for their son’s drug problem and delinquency then they are not able to agree together and so their prayers for their son are not being answered.
Peace time verses a time of war. In peace time the atmosphere is about luxury and comfort. During peace is when Royal Caribbean cruise ships are popular. But during war time it’s more about efficiency, effectiveness. People are focused and their guard is up. The army is more likely to bring out metal trays instead of fine china and bunks instead of nice big beds with satin sheets. The “bless me” church has brought America to its knees before the devil because when we should have been fighting we were too busy eating pot lucks, building fancy buildings, picking out choir robes, and helping people through 12 steps because we forgot how to 1 step them into deliverance. America has fallen into the state it’s in, our kids have been ravished by a hundred different sins which the culture finds normal, and we kill over 1000 babies a day because the church for a long time has lived as if we were at peace and focused on luxury and comfort when really there was a war going on.
Iniquity is practiced sin.
As God changes the structure of the church we have to be willing to let go of old ways and old traditions and old wineskins if new wineskins are taking their place. When I first came to Prairie Grove and first started praying with Pastor Nichols and Audi, I tried to hang on to what I was used to. In Beaumont God had liberated me from quiet prayer meetings that had been mostly ineffective to praying with the kids where it was loud and active, where people all prayed out loud at the same time and with a lot of emotions and we walked around or danced around before God or we were rocking or something. And when I started to pray with Pastor Nichols and Audi they would sit together and sit in quiet half the time and pray one at a time out loud the other half. I spent many weeks trying to do my own thing, unwilling to let go of what I KNEW worked before. But seed has to have the right climate. Good seed in good soil in the wrong climate will be wasted seed. I had to let go of something that was good and proper in another place to be a part of what God was currently doing here. I’m afraid that is something everyone in the church will have to be willing to do as the Lord changes everything. Those who refuse risk being part of pharisaical church that fights God on every level.
Every day people are brought to the altar because a preacher had them raise their hand when no one was looking and them put them on the spot by saying, “If you raised your hand will you come…” These people were manipulated into making a public profession. Then when they get to the altar they are told all they have to do is to say they believe Jesus died for their sins. We basically tell them that if they repeat these magic words then they will be saved and then lead them in a “prayer” that they probably don’t mean and pat them on the back and say, “Welcome to the family of God.” Who is responsible for their demise after they get back home and nothing has changed? Could that evangelist who preached them only half a gospel be partly responsible? How did Jesus explain getting saved to people? The best example I know of is the rich young ruler who came to him asking, “How can I have eternal life?” Jesus told him to keep the law of the prophets and Moses. Ok, first of all, being saved by keeping the law of the Moses was replaced by faith in Jesus’ death on the cross. We have that one covered. But what about the law of the prophets? The prophets’ law was more about living holy and being faithful to God. The man said he had those covered and Jesus said this: “Go and sell all you have and give the money to the poor.” The two commands there had specific application to this man’s situation. 1. “Sell all you have” had to do with this man’s specific idol – money. In other words, “get rid of your god’s. This is the equivalent of the greatest commandment – Love the Lord your God with all your heart. 2. “give the money to the poor” is Jesus telling him to quit living for himself . This one is equivalent to the second greatest commandment – Love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus told this guy he had to do these things in order to have eternal life. That’s vastly different from the altar calls we give.
April 23, 2007 – Psalm 115:16 declares the heavens belong to God “but the earth he has given to the sons of men.” The earth is ours. What happens here is our responsibility. Why do we so often say, “How could a loving God let this happen?” when we should be asking, “How could the church have let this happen?”
April 19, 2007 – Philippians 4:9 is often passed over because we focus so much on Phil. 4:8. But 4:9 says, “The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.” It’s so much easier to just do what seems good (such as a church just deciding they’ll take a missions trip to Mexico) without hearing from God first. But it’s harder to have an ear to hear from God so you are doing what HE said to do.
April 18, 2007 – Spontaneous prayer and intercession broke out after chapel on Thursday and Friday night last week. The first night Austin, Colton, and Joel prayed and worshipped until 11 PM after chapel was done at 9:15. I wasn’t allowed back into the chapel after I left at 9:30 to take care of other students. The Holy Spirit made it pretty clear this needed to be just them. I think maybe it helped them know it was just them and God and they don’t have to ride the back of my spirituality but they can get to God on their own. Then Friday Asher, Jarrod, Jason, and Jake joined those 3 in worship and intercession until midnight. The intercession rivaled the intensity of the most passionate intercession I’ve seen Elijah move in. It seems these kids without church backgrounds get the most passionate and intense when they really begin to experience God. They were definitely praying in the Spirit because they were praying for things they would never have known or thought or cared to pray about unless they were truly hooked in with the heart of God. And there was unity in their intercession. One person would scream out louder than the rest about a new topic such as homosexuality, molested children, Lou Engle and Dutch Sheets, and many other random things that really do need to be prayed about but most of the time are neglected, and then the others would join in, attacking the issue in prayer with the one who led out. All of them were in this except Jason who has never been baptized in the Holy Spirit. It is no coincidence that the rest were the ones who were baptized in the Holy Spirit at Ramp. With the exception of Jake…I’m not sure where it happened but I believe he must be baptized in the Holy Spirit. He was a totally different person in there.
There is so much revelation and so much going on I don’t know how to contain it all. My mind is often flooded with visions of me preaching prophetically at the Reconnect Weekend next month. I’m getting all kinds of things to say to the boys in chapel and GSNC. Right now I’m thinking of doing a one day GSNC class that touches Jericho, Gideon, David bringing back the ark, and other passages which the Lord seems to be speaking so much from lately.
Hebrews 8 talks about the old tabernacle verses the new tabernacle. I made a compare and contrast:
|
Old Tabernacle |
New Tabernacle |
|
Man was priest on earth |
Jesus is priest in heaven |
|
Man made it |
God made it |
|
Only a shadow of the real |
The real, the original |
|
Established on a faulty covenant |
Established on better promises, better covenant |
|
Became obsolete |
Replaced the old |
|
The way into the Holy of Holies was not yet |
God’s Holy of Holies open to all through Christ |
|
The blood of animals |
The blood of Jesus |
|
The high priest in Holy of Holies once a year |
Our high priest (Jesus) in the Holy of Holies once for all. |
Any time you’re operating in man’s wisdom or man’s ideas you’re operating in the old tabernacle system.
April 15, 2007 – Even more about the sons thing today. Until we are born again into the Kingdom as sons of God we are sons of the devil! I went to the Bible to check this out. I found two scriptures that agree on this. First Jesus called the Pharisees sons of the devil in John 8:38-44. During that He also set a principle forth that you do the works of whoever’s son you are. Second, in Acts 13 Peter calls Elymas the sorcerer a son of the devil (this too was because of the works he did). I’m coming to a point where I would say the true test of salvation is a change of works and mindset. This is because of this son of God verses son of the devil and being a son of whoever’s works you do and because of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. If the fruit is there then the Holy Spirit is there.
April 12, 2007 – Galatians 3 and 4 is kicking my butt. We are sons of God and therefore heirs if we are Christ’s (3:26, 29, 4:7). However, an heir (which is a son) “as long as he is a child does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the father.” (4:1-2) Then 4:8-11 shows us we can revert back to that state of slaves. This is mind blowing to me in that it shows me why we have such a small manifestation of sonship in the church, and it reconciles the problem I had with God showing me all this stuff about the earth is waiting for the sons and how we should be making it our goal to become sons yet knowing that anyone born again is a son of God, born by His Spirit. There is a difference between being a baby son and being a son who has matured and come into his inheritance. Those are the ones the earth is crying out for. The problem is most of us have been satisfied being babes in Christ. “As many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God.” It takes maturity to learn to be led by the Spirit and it takes effort to mature.
April 11, 2007 – Two days ago I came home stressed and went into prayer. As I focused on the Lord I not only lost my stress but I entered into an emotional intercession. I found myself prophetically praying over the bride that instead of loving the things of the world that we would hate them with a perfect hatred. That we would hate the things that keep us from Him. I’ve always been a little troubled by David’s Psalm sweet psalm 139 which focuses on such positive truths and ends with this seemingly hateful spirit of vengeance when he says things like, “do I not hate them that hate thee, o God? I hate them with perfect hatred. I count them my enemies.” It’s always seemed so wrong until that day when I prayed that prayer. Now I understand. It parallels likewise troublesome words of Jesus, “Unless a man hates his father and mother he cannot be my disciple.” Anything that hinders my way to Jesus I want to hate with perfect hatred rather than be fascinated by it. Whether this is lust, entertainment, friends or even family.
Who are the sons of God? As many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God. The world is waiting for us to learn to be led by the Spirit.
The cloud of witnesses. Is Grandpa and Granny and Paw Paw watching and praying I go further than they did? Hoping I reach my potential to help make up for assignments they may have left undone? Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of soup. What are you selling yours for?
Prophets raise up prophets (the sons of the prophets), evangelists raise up evangelists, pastors raise up pastors. Like father like son. What are you raising up? Are you raising up people who like you don’t know where you fit in?
April 10, 2007 – I’m finally getting some students here around me who are acting like they want what I have to offer them – spiritual son potentials. God was talking to me on the way into town today about how just like in the natural it’s the spiritual dad’s responsibility to keep food on the table. Yes, I teach my sons to feed themselves but anytime a son comes to me wanting to eat I must be ready and have spiritual bread, spiritual meat and spiritual milks (whatever they need) ready to set before them.
Pastor told me today about something the Morningstar school of ministry is doing with their modern day “school of the prophets”. They will send out their students to minister without any money. So they have to go on these trips and be led by the Spirit as to where they are going to stay and how they are going to get there and all that. So they are led by the Spirit into such and such a motel and get a free room. I was at first not liking that idea. I mean I like the idea of being led by the Spirit but not the part about expecting freebies and handouts. Then the Lord reminded me of the free room at the Last Supper and that started me on a journey through Luke. First of all, Luke 22 makes it clear that Jesus was led by the Spirit to a free room to have the Passover. He said, “when you have entered the city, a man will meet you carrying a pitcher of water; follow him in to the house which he enters. Then you shall say to the master of the house, ‘The teacher says to you, “Where is the guest room where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?”’ Then he will show you a large, furnished upper room, there make ready.” I believe Jesus saw all this through the Spirit so He operated like that. Then also, in Luke 10 when Jesus sent out the 70 he said, “carry neither money bag, knapsack, nor sandals; and greet no one along the road. But whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ And if a son of peace is there your peace will rest on it; if not, it will return to you. And remain in the same house, eating and drinking such things as they give, for the laborer is worthy of his wages. Do not go from house to house.” Later in Luke 12 he says “The Holy Spirit will give you what you ought to say.” Also in the same chapter, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat, nor about the body, what you will wear….And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind….” Then later, in chapter 22 again he reminds the disciples, “When I sent you without money bag, knapsack, and sandals, did you lack anything?” And they replied, “nothing”. And he goes on, “But now, he who has a money bag, let him take it, and likewise a knapsack; and he who has no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one.” So it seems clear that Jesus isn’t worried about us raising our funds to go on ministry trips when we are sent by Him. If we just have an ear to hear what the Spirit is saying then we have all we need. (don’t be tripped up by the sword thing, I think he’s just saying be prepared for opposition because he promised we’d have opposition.)
Tonight at the prayer meeting in Springdale we had a minister from India. This man is very real and God is using him greatly. While he ministered tonight he stopped several times to prophecy over me that I was getting ready for great ministry. He stressed the potential in me and encouraged me to stay focused on the Lord and to not pay attention to people. I definitely have gotten plenty of confirmation on that and I feel the responsibility to prepare which is why I’m here.
I think I may use babies in chapel as a demonstration of how even infants can take part in getting their bottles and tiny toddlers start to feed themselves. And even though they may make a mess of things doing it, God puts fathers in their lives that are there to help clean up the mess when they’re done.
What is a good Christian? The world is sick and tired of the normal example of a Christian so what’s a good Christian? We’ve been trained in America to think a good Christian is someone who goes to church regularly, doesn’t smoke, drink or chew or run with girls who do. But obviously God is challenging that mentality. I mean nearly all religions have devoted people who attend their meetings and have good morals. It’s obvious that the difference is that Christianity should be about a relationship. Tonight I got a little more insight from the Lord concerning the specifics of the relationship. The world is waiting for sons and brides. We get a dual relationship with the king and dual rings to go with it. As a bride we can wear his covenant (wedding ring). As a bride we get to be one with Him. We are intimate with the King and we know His heart. We get to come to him and intercede (like Ester). As a son we get to be the one He sends to dominate our world for His Kingdom. We get to wear his signet ring which gives us His authority. Just like God sent His son Jesus to bring the Kingdom into the world and dominate, He has made us sons to dominate and bring the Kingdom to our individual realms of influence. We must learn to operate as both a bride and a son and use both rings.
If it is no more I but Christ then why do I immediately say “I can’t do it” when I’m faced with something big? (Godwin)
April 7, 2007 – In Acts 12 Rhoda was so shocked and excited about seeing Peter there at the gate that she forgot to let him in, but she went back to the house and told everyone about him being there. However, all the people praying for God to deliver Peter didn’t believe it was really Peter. Similarly, I am seeing a movement in the earth that the church as been praying for. I can either get so excited about the fact that the movement is here that I forget to let it in and just go blab my mouth about the movement, but if I go telling everyone about the movement without the evidence of the movement being with me they won’t believe me.
April 4, 2007 – I’ve been talking to the Lord about the sad fact that we’ve been graduating kids that have never had a significant encounter with the power of God. It shouldn’t be happening. We say we’re relying on the Holy Spirit rather than the program and that that is what separates us from other programs or rehabs. However, I’ve not seen it. We emphasis program so much but very little prayer or fasting. It is a reproach to us that our students can’t get a significant encounter with God’s presence here but thank God someone has paid the price for the anointing. I took 8 boys to Ramp last weekend and 5 of them tell me they got filled with the Holy Spirit after responding to an altar call for those who have never been baptized in the Holy Spirit. 4 of them report having prayed in tongues. Praise God! I declare a new generation of students are going to be coming from TCR starting with Scott. If this is to happen, it has to be because of a new spiritual depth in the staff so I declare a new fervency will spread through the staff at TCR starting now.
A few thoughts from Ramp:
1. “satan has desired to sift you … but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail.” He never said He would stop satan. He was going to let Peter go through the sifting. God will allow satan to sift you.
2. Another evidence of baptism besides tongues is an endowment of power (Acts 1).
3. We treat God like a harlot. We want to have intimate times each time we come to Him but a bride has to have some times with her husband when there is no intimacy, no touching. These times are just to get to know each other and just to be together. Israel knew his acts. Moses knew his ways. Moses knew WHY He did what He did.
4. We all know part (I know in part and prophecy in part – 1 Cor 13). People like Osteen and the prosperity people have a place in the Kingdom. The problem is when they are disconnected with the rest of the body they get out of balance. Stay connected to the body!
5. And the wineskins this time?
1. Pray after my shift. God has plans to use that which
will never happen if I’m not faithful to it.
2. Getting up early to pray first thing.
3. Memorize scripture.
God has been talking to me about fruit trees lately. I bought an apple tree and planted it in the yard. I picked this tree out because it had the best shape of all the trees. It was absolutely perfect in shape and limb placement and size. When I planted it, it looked absolutely beautiful. But then I found out that not only was I going to have to prune it but really butcher it. The lady said that if I don’t prune back every limb the top will grow too fast for the roots. By pruning I force the tree to focus on root production so the roots can get established enough to handle the fruit. Then I read a book about growing fruit trees and it said we prune trees for 3 reasons: survival, stimulation of growth, and shaping. I realized God has pruned me back a lot but it’s for my own survival. I have to have the roots necessary to bear the fruit He wants to see me bear. He’s willing to go a season in my life with no fruit in order to ensure good fruit later. Not to mention that this way He gets to shape me the way He wants me.
March 14, 2007 – I remember telling Elijah, “It should never feel heavy. Jesus said my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” However I see now there is a time when it is legitimately heavy. It’s ironic because what I was concerned about in my spiritual son I now experience only it’s for a different reason. Elijah was feeling heavy because he would set himself up for failure with extreme standards that seemed good to him. I’m feeling heavy now because the Holy Spirit is chasing me around with a standard that I have not yet given into. As soon as I give in and obey (take His yoke upon me) it won’t feel heavy anymore. It’s like He’s following me around the house, chasing me down, nagging even. I wasn’t sure if this heaviness was right or not but Pastor N says it’s right on and explained it to me. He talked about it’s not pleasant when this change happens which he called the separation of soul and spirit. Hebrews 4 talks about the Word of God (Rhema) dividing soul and spirit. The other day I surrendered to the nagging feeling and just sat before Him a while and felt nothing, heard nothing, got nothing. I was encouraged to know that the same thing has happened to Pastor N recently but he explains we’re learning to get quiet before God. It is God’s right to ask us to be quiet and still before Him a while just for training and not to give us a great revelation or impartation. In these times we can learn to hear and learn patience and learn obedience and learn priority…so many things. I realized that the heaviness I’ve felt is much like it was with Charity. The relationship I had enjoyed for many months began to require more of me than I really wanted to give. She wanted more of me (my devotion, my time, my energy, my love) than I was willing to give her. I had other things that were too important to me to take myself (my devotion, my time, my energy, my love) away from in order to give to her. So it felt just like this – heavy. It felt like I had her always asking me for something I struggled with giving. And now it is God asking me for more of me. I’ve given Him a lot and now He’s asking for a level that requires me to take away from other stuff. This time there must be no breaking up or refusing.
Hebrews 6 tells us to not lay again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God (also doctrine concerning baptisms, of laying on of hands, resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment). If my boys at TC need a foundation, this is it – to repent from dead works and have faith in God. There comes a time like this in Heb 6 when we need to move on from there and not stay in those things but we can’t move on until the Holy Spirit says it’s time to move on. The foundation has to be poured and solid before we can move on. And yet the sower overtakes the reaper and I find myself giving them tastes of meat long the way.
The Bible talks about not casting your pearls before swine. That has come up a lot in my mind since coming to TC. J It’s just that a lot of these boys act like they don’t want what I am trying to impart to them and it’s hard knowing why I’m even here if they act like that. Sometimes I wonder if they’re all the proverbial swine that don’t deserve my pearls, that I shouldn’t waste my time on. But God has me here and so I have to be faithful. Then I had one recently who’s behavior after having tasted and seen some things in the Lord and then gone back to the mentality and behavior of a phase 1 student made me wonder if he was swine and emotionally I detached from him a bit wondering if he was worth throwing my pearls at. Last night I got a revelation of what a swine is. A swine is one whom God has given up on. ONLY God can label a person swine. God told Samuel to give up on Saul, for example. That’s a clear example of God labeling Saul as swine and letting his minister know not to waste his time and pearls on him.
When Peter says to the lame man at the gate, “such as I have, give I to thee” there is a revelation in that explains what is wrong with the church today and why we don’t see miracles like that often. Peter said “such as I have” so he had to have something to give it. What do I have in me that I can give a lame man?
We love the scripture “all things work together for good to them who love God and are called according to His purposes” but what about those who don’t love God? Jesus said if you love me, you’ll obey me. Lots of people say they love God but don’t really and they can’t rightly apply that scripture to themselves.
The Bible says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”, but we often only hear the “I can do all things” part. But if we can only do all things THROUGH CHRIST then why do we try to keep all the “thou shalts” and “thou shalt nots” by our own strength?
March 8, 2007 – We have to extinguish our light before Jesus will bring His. We have to stop trying to shine so He can shine. We have to stop trying to make it work through religion so He will make it work by the Holy Spirit.
March 7, 2007 – True repentance comes when the real glory of the Lord shows up. Luke 5:8 Simon Peter got his first real taste of the glory of Jesus and where before he treated the Lord as fairly common, he now responds to the glory, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!” Similar to Isaiah's words when he beholds the Lord’s glory and says, “I’m undone for I am a man of unclean lips.” When the Lord’s glory shows up we are indeed undone. Israel always knew that “no man can see God and live” but which would you rather do – live and never see God or see God and die (to yourself, your flesh, the carnal nature)? According to John 17 we also need the glory to be one. How will we become “one new man” unless through a common pursuit and experience with the glory of the Lord?
Pastor pointed out last night that praying in the Spirit is the only effective praying (doesn’t necessarily mean tongues). Praying in the flesh is never heard by God. Also, Psalm 34 talks about blessing the Lord at ALL times. I must be more careful to bless the Lord when my finances are not looking so hot or when my boys aren’t doing so hot or I don’t have a budget for a Ramp trip I’m supposed to take in a few days. The tests will get worse, I’d better start learning to bless the Lord through everything. Also, when Isaiah 61 says, “Arise, shine, for your light has come and the glory of the Lord rises upon you,” it is more than a comfortable thought to wake yourself up with every morning. It’s a command and a big responsibility. If the glory of the Lord is on you then it’s on you for you to shine and share it – not just enjoy it. You’d better shine!
Also, what do we hear preached the most in churches all across America (not the fake ones who just preach prosperity and Jesus loves you)? Is it not repentance, faith, baptisms, laying on of hands, the rapture, heaven and hell? Yet these are what Hebrews 6 calls the fundamentals and commands us move on from the elemental things. But he also says we will move on “if God permits”. We must not move on from repentance, for example, until the Lord is done with repentance in us. But there is a place to get to where God says move on and we’d better and we need to get to that place because there’s so much more!!
The boys are doing real well right now. I’m a little worried for one who is having a hard time bouncing back from a big setback (Jarod). But I have another who had a setback a few weeks ago and is now stronger than I’ve ever seen him. The Holy Spirit is definitely working with him and he is following. I have a blazing conversation with him the other night that really helped cinch a much needed connection between he and I – especially needed since he’s now in my Phase 3 care. I am also a little apprehensive about Scott’s living with me. I soo don’t want him to graduate and get lazy and quit, but I’ve seen that although his big decisions are usually made with care and maturity, his smaller everyday decisions are often selfish and careless. I’m feeling like I need to change our agreement to a more specific and itemized understanding rather than the general guidelines.
February 28, 2007 – Both David and Saul messed up and repented. The character of these men were vastly different; David a man after God’s own heart and Saul a man rejected by God because of his selfishness and insincerity. The difference was when David repented he meant it and really changed. When Saul repented it was just because he got caught and didn’t want to suffer the consequences. He never really changed. I also notice in Psalm 51 how that David said, “don’t take your spirit from me” that he must have always known that it was the Spirit of God that made him the great man he was and nothing of his own. No matter how big David became, no matter how far God took him, I think he must have never forgotten that without God he was still just the lowliest of many brothers left behind to tend sheep. Never forget what you are without God on your way to reach what you can be with God.
Last night at prayer meeting a lot of things came out that spoke to me. First, someone mentioned he had two shields – a shield of faith and a shield of religion. I think a lot of us use religion as a shield to keep us from having to break out of our comfort zones or to shield us from the realities of God. As long as we can keep him in our religious boxes we think He is safer. One day I may use a nice box as an illustration for the boys about how we put God in a box and then have on torn up to pieces illustrating what happens when God breaks out of our boxes. I’m not sure for them that they have a lot of God boxes yet but a warning about doing it in the future would be appropriate too. On second thought, every human has certain expectations of what God is like and therefore create a box. John 3:8 illustrates what God is really like and those who follow after him – like the wind. Who can box the wind!? The wind goes wherever it wants and no one can control it or even tell where it’s going. So it is with God and, according to the scripture, so it should be with those who are born of the Spirit.
A hillbilly type fellow talked about bad news for the devil in the hillbilly type fashion but it was really good. He talked about how the devil needs to find a rock to hide under because of the signs he seeing – including the youth movement, the breaking down of denominational walls, and the awakening taking place. He also compared the devil to a schoolyard bully who, if you will hit him square between the eyes once instead of running, will probably think twice before coming back after you because he remembers, “that cat fights back!”. The same man also said something about our status comes from His performance, not ours.
I got a revelation that having a ear to hear is imperative for the fullness of the spirit-filled living but it is also dangerous in that there is a responsibility that goes along with it. To whom much is given, much is required. We are accountable to what we hear. We have to be trustworthy if we want to hear. On reason we don’t see the greater works like we see in Acts 5 is because we aren’t holy enough to live up to the accountability we see God holding them to in Acts 5 (Ananias and Sapphira). Likewise, God must be able to trust us with the accountability that goes with an ear that hears what the Spirit is saying. “To him that knoweth to do good and doeth it not, it is sin.” We have to fear God more than we fear man. We don’t experience greater anointing because we’re not ready for greater responsibility. We don’t experience greater revelation because we haven’t proved trustworthy with the revelation we have.
A couple words were spoken over me last night too. One lady told me she sensed I was going through some things and not to be discouraged and she saw shackles falling off my ankles. I agree with that. I wouldn’t have said I was going through something as it sounds like I’m hurting or something which is not the case. But I am going through a metamorphosis like a butterfly trying to emerge from a cocoon. It’s taking a struggle and effort and some time but it’s happening. That would be what the shackles represent. Another lady told me she saw a large piano keyboard ascending in front of me and I was climbing the keyboard keys to a door that stood open at the top. As I climbed the keyboard God was telling me what the next “key” was to continue my ascension. This is exactly what is happening now too. I know such general words can apply to most anyone but they were not given to just anyone, they were given to me. And I know these ladies and they are usually right on even when the words are not so general. One of the keys I’m supposed to be using to climb higher right now is getting up earlier in the mornings to spend a couple hours with the Lord. That came up a few times last night as well.
February 27, 2007 – I just read about the feeding of the 4,000 in Mark 8 where Jesus used a few loaves and fish. Then in 2 Kings 4 a widow used a little vial of oil, a Shunammite woman used a spare room, Elisha used some flour, and later used a small food offering to feed a multitude. It seems God enjoys using whatever we have to work a miracle. What do I have? After meditating on that question a bit the only thing I hear God asking me to use is the time…the time I have, if poured out for Him, can be multiplied.
Josh called me today and needed to talk. He had another friend die of an overdose. “Coincidentally” he was with the friend just hours before he died. I think God is definitely trying to get his attention. I’m in Panera Bread right now and I have a Christian book about the Holy Spirit sitting on the table. A college and young people’s pastor from a local church came by and talked to me for a while. We hit it off and I told him I have a friend in town who needs a church badly. He told me about his church, Christian Life Cathedral. It’s a nondenom, charismatic church with a discipleship and outreach mentality. We exchanged information and he asked me about the guys I wanted to visit his church and I told him their names were Josh and Daniel. His eyes got kinda big and he says, “that’s interesting cause that’s my name, Joshua Daniel.” Hmm….
February 22, 2007 – Sometimes it seems like the idea of God creating humanity so that we can worship him is the act of some insecure deity that selfishly needs someone to make him feel better about himself by always talking about how good he is. This morning I was talking to God about that and got a better understanding of it. First it’s ok to tell God how good He is and you can do it with sincerity and not just following some expectation of behavior. He IS good! He could easily be some jerk being that He is supreme and all, but He’s not. He loves His creation and puts up with our crap, makes ultimate sacrifices for us like sending his only son and stuff, and He works diligently with us to help us find fulfillment. When we worship God, we are not doing anything for Him that He hasn’t already done for us. If worship is honoring God, we can rest assured that by dieing for us, making us sons in His Kingdom and not slaves, and giving us His Word He has already honored us quite a bit. If worship is adoration it would seem that He has already adored us. If worship is telling Him of His worth, it would seem He has already expressed to us how valuable we are to Him. Worship is simply returning to Him some of the love He has already expressed to us.
February 21, 2007 – “Don’t be a Christian by not doing but by doing.” That’s something that Pastor Nichols said last night at prayer. It makes so much sense and is applicable to not only me but my boys as well. They are fed so many things NOT to do and so could easily think being a Christian is NOT smoking, doing drugs, having sex, and drinking alcohol. But being a Christian much easier accomplished by DOING – being spirit led, abiding in Christ, seeking first the Kingdom of God, etc. Focusing on things NOT to do will never transform you. Only Christ can transform you so DO something by seeking Him.
Scott went with me to prayer last night. I think he enjoyed it even thought the length of time of sitting still and paying attention did tax him a bit (but it does me too). Lots of good words came out over him including a vision of an arm raised against him with the hand chopped off meaning whatever was raised to strike him down has already been taken care of by God. Another had to do with the soles of his feet which had to do with him going on a spiritual journey and being used of God to carry the message of God. Lots of good things. Pastor N prayed for the filling of the Holy Spirit too.
Pastor also had a vision of a demonic oppression that has historically been lodged in me loosening. I must say last week was a battle with old things.
February 13, 2007 – Intercession is inviting God to bring His plan instead of ours; to interfere with our lives. What is the enemy doing to distract me from intercession? Busyness (it’s like no matter how little I have going I’m still busy!)? I know people who have absolutely no life, no responsibility, no legitimate fruit and yet they are really convinced they are the busiest people on the planet. They’re always late, always in a rush, always complaining about having no time…What’s up with that? Some great magic trick of satan used to misdirect us while really he robs us of all our inheritance as a son of the Kingdom because we’ve not been praying? What else is distracting me from intercession? Entertainment? Selfishness (wanting to do something else)? Procrastination? And how about when I do intercede, how is the enemy keeping me from praying what God would really have me pray for?
The power of the spoken word…Right now I have so much frustration over the current pastor at Cathedral because of a lot of things but every time I talk to one of my friends back home it seems God shuts my mouth so I don’t speak against the man. This morning Pastor N gave me $20 for seed money for the Spring Ramp trip. It was much appreciated and to let him know how much I realize it was sacrificial for him I said, “pastor you can’t afford this.” I immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say and way out of Kingdom order. I felt more convicted over that than if I had told a dirty joke. God made it clear that He is Pastor N’s supplier and the man could afford much more than I could imagine. How dare I speak a negative word over his finances!
Pastor N pointed out how Christianity has become a spectator sport where churches compete to have the best show to draw the biggest crowd. Even the gifts have become part of the show. You only get legitimate miracles if you need them. That’s why Africa sees more miracles than we do. In America we need doctors, insurance, and specialists more than we think we need God. We don’t need God, we need coffee bars in the lobbies of our churches.
This generation of youth has need of humility. They’re seeing things and getting places in God that I so exciting and as people like me come along and root them on instead of trying to put out their fire they could become proud and possibly even elitists. But they need the humility that will allow them to keep going and to not be cut off from adults.
February 11, 2007 – I notice that in both similes where Jesus compares the Kingdom to man who finds a treasure in a field an sells all he has to buy the field and when it is compared to a merchant who found a great pearl and sold all he had to buy it that the constant between the two is the fact that the one who found it had to sell all to buy it! (Matt 13)
February 8, 2007 – Money may come and go. Paul had periods of abundance and times when he had less. But it’ll never be the thing pursued!
We are hearing a lot “prepare ye the way of the Lord”. I don’t doubt this is the result of Lou leading us in praying for the spirit of Elijah. Damon pointed out how the way is prepared when he said John the baptized (the spirit of Elijah) who prepared the way of the Lord preached repentance. The way of the Lord is prepared by repentance (not just singing and dancing).
February 6, 2007 – Tonight at the prayer meeting I heard a great description of worship. Worship is love expressed. That’s so appropriate because it describes how love can be a vocal expression in song or in word or it can be an act of service or a gift or lots of things. Also tonight, someone brought up that anxiety will keep you from hearing God. I thought about that and realized that I’m anxious and stressed when I think I’m in charge. For example, if it’s my night to do chapel I’m anxious and possibly even stressed, but if it’s someone else’s chapel I just relax and enjoy it. The trick is to die daily and go through life realizing I am not in charge, but Jesus is in charge. Then I can relax and enjoy the journey.
If predestination is true then every kid God brings to me is chosen because God brought them to me. He wouldn’t waste His time and mine on someone who was not predestined for salvation. I still don’t believe in predestination, but this thought just helps to comfort those who do and think they may not be chosen. Also, statistics and numbers can sometimes mess with your head and you start to think it’s ok that some kids coming out of your ministry don’t make it because it’s just statistics; a certain percentage are inevitably going to not make it. WRONG! It’s not ok and it doesn’t have to be that way. “No child left behind!” We don’t have to bow to statistics and I don’t have to lose ANY of them.
February 4, 2007 – I’ve realized I’ve had more prophetic dreams this year so far than I have in my whole life put together. As this happens more and more I think about it more and every morning when I wake up I try to remember any dreams to see if God gave me any messages that night. Last night I as I tried to drift to sleep I allowed my mind to go into places it shouldn’t have been allowed to go. I had a dream that night about Selah pooping piles of gross, mushy crap all over the place and I had to keep picking it up. It was like one right after another. That was the whole dream as I remember it. Of course when I remembered it I thought it was just one of those crazy random dreams but God spoke this to me, “No, it was a prophetic dream. It simply means that as long as you end your day with sin, your dreams won’t be anything but dog crap.” In other words, He won’t speak to me in my dreams when the last thing I think about at night is sinful. Ouch. But clever and point taken.
February 2, 2007 – I had a dream about Lauran and I. I was going to be going to some outdoor adventure trip with her and her youth group. A day or two before we had gotten this big orange float that we were going to ride, I think through like a river or something. It was cigar shaped and big. We both would be ridding this thing and we blew it up at home and gave it a try out. That’s basically it. The best I can make of that dream is orange represents something new, possibly a new ministry? It would make sense to me that we would end up in some new ministry together. I also had another dream and all I remember was it was about some older stars coming out about Christ and speaking up for Him. The only ones I remember were Michael Jackson and Carrie Fisher.
January 31, 2007 – Wow…what a time we had last night at the Tuesday night prayer meeting! Pastor N was releasing such apostolic revelations and the Presence was so thick I was very, very careful what I said. During the prophetic distribution I felt like God told me that if we’d pray for Sandy (her lower back has been hurting for some time) that He’d heal her. I was uncomfortable with interrupting the prophetic distribution so I waited. Over an hour later I was still feeling that we should pray for Sandy. I had also seen the 3 ladies laying hands on her. I had also known we had to speak to and command the bones and back, not just pray for a healing. I had also seen Sandy falling in the Spirit and that she needed to stay on her side and the ladies needed to keep laying hands on her back after she fell. I wasn’t sure about all that, for all I knew it was just my imagination. Finally, after the prophetic distribution had ended and we were just kinda talking again, I heard the Lord say, “OK, now.” I hesitated and Pastor started to talk again about something else so I didn’t want to interrupt and plus was still doubting if I was hearing from God. Right then I saw one of the ladies begin to put her things away and she picked up her purse like she was getting ready to leave and I knew it was confirmation that it was now or never because we had to pray before she left since I’d seen all 3 ladies praying for her. So we did and it happened just like I saw it. I instructed the ladies to pray for her and the rest happened without my intervention. The lady who led in prayer spoke to the back instead of praying for a healing. Sandy fell and went to her side. The other two ladies kept their hands on her back after she fell. Amazing. The anointing was so thick, so heavy, I was just amazed…it was like you didn’t dare say anything. Then one of the ladies had an incredible word from the Father about Him calling us to come with Him and how we’re afraid of what He’s requiring of us, but how that the calling is good and if we could see what is there we’d come running without hesitation. That makes more sense if you’d heard some of the discussion and teaching on the cost…counting the cost. Then the same lady had a word for Pastor N that it was time to write books. I was able to confirm that because through the night I had had this strange thought enter my mind at least two times that I should get one of Pastor N’s books and ready it, and then of course reality kicked in and I remembered he didn’t have any books. I didn’t think anything of it until she said that. Come to find out he does have one unpublished book written and so I’ll be reading that soon! The presence I felt last night was crazy…It started during the prophetic distribution and increased throughout with peaks and valleys then it got real intense after we prayed for Sandy and while lots of prophetic was going on. Then after a while I felt it lift and was gone and I knew He was done and it was ok to talk and laugh, and cut up again.
I’ve had strong suspicion since I came here that there was something big besides TC that I was here for. Of course I know I’m here for training, to learn to pray and fast, but I mean some other ministry or work I am to do here. I first suspected that when on the first few times I drove through Prairie Grove I felt such a burden for the kids there. It seemed like kids were everywhere and my heart went out to each one, knowing these were just small town country kids but with such great potential and callings of God to change not only their small town but the world, and they needed someone to come and help them release that potential and find that calling. So what do you do with something like that? I’ve just been waiting since then and I feel like it’s the right thing to do. My mind has wondered at times at what I could do – be a youth pastor at one of the local churches? Start a Ramp or Ramp-like parachurch ministry? I don’t know. But last night Pastor N told me that he’s known from a while that I’m here for more than TC and that there is something I’m to do in Prairie Grove. He says he knows what it is but he isn’t released to tell me more than what he told me last night. I’m so glad because if it’s not time to start yet then I don’t want to know…I wouldn’t be able to focus on right now so much. And God knows I’m having a hard enough time being obedient to my current marching orders as it is. It’s good to know that confirmation is waiting though when God does show me what I need to do. Currently I’m slowly becoming more involved in the youth group at Siloam Springs. Very cautiously do I do that, not wanting to get into something or commit to something that is not part of God’s plan for me right now. It started with hearing the leaders from that youth group praying together. Wow…it was like being in Beaumont with the MYM kids. Hungry for that atmosphere I went and prayed with them last week and plan to again this week, hopefully taking phase 4 from TC to get them exposed to that.
January 26, 2007 – I had a dream a few days ago that I didn’t think was significant or that I got an interpretation to but the more I think about it the more I think I know the meaning. The dream was this: There was a huge and very busy mall in Morrow, much like the ones you’d find in D.C. or New York where there is just people everywhere. I had taken Aaron to the mall as a short fun trip. While there I saw one of the other Phase 2 guys standing in the mall near the doorway. Our eyes met and he knew he was in trouble. I was working my way through the crowd to go jerk him up by the collar and haul his rebellious butt back to TC when a big crowd passed between us and by the time they got through he had taken off and hid. I looked around for him and couldn’t find him. I overheard a little girl nearby telling her mommy about this guy in one of the stores she’d been in who was going around asking everyone where he could find some drugs. I got up in the little girls face and asked her if the guy looked like my TC guy. She was taken aback and said, “no”, I think because I’d scared her. Then I saw the security shack where the dollar cops looked like they probably needed a program like TC themselves. I walked up to the shack and asked if they’d seen a guy that looked like so and so. They said “no” and I had a good idea that he was hiding in the shack where these irresponsible teenage rent-a-cops were hiding him so I asked, “is he hiding in there?” and they said, “no” in a way that sounded like they were lying. I told them that if they were hiding him they were NOT doing him a favor. That was the end of the dream. Now, if I have the interpretation it’s this: A mall like this in Morrow is something that seems like a complete impossibility, so far fetched it would never happen. Likewise God has a call on these guys’ lives that seems so impossible that if He were to ever share the complete vision for their lives they would laugh and never think that would happen, I probably would too. In the dream Aaron was letting me take him to that impossible place, but the other guy had taken it upon himself to leave TC and try to get there on his own and when he did he ended up screwing up, getting caught, and was on the run again turning to the wrong people for help because he wouldn’t accept the help offered to him by the right people. I shared this with the student and he said he didn’t think it was applicable but I think it is much more applicable than he is willing to admit, and probably to all of them.
January 23, 2007 – On Saturday I looked at the news and the top two headlines were that Hillary Clinton announced her presidential bid and the second headline was that Sam Brownback announced his. I was immediately moved to intercession. I feel so strongly about the importance of the 2008 elections. If we end up with an evil president I don’t think America can escape judgment another 8 years. God has to be just and judge a nation like ours. But if God’s man gets into the seat of political power we can have 8 years of national repentance and governmental reformation. I believe Sam Brownback is God’s choice but there is no way in the natural he would ever win this election. The church will have to move heaven and earth for him if he is to reach the presidency. It’s Elijah verses Jezebel all over again. However, I also have a hint that perhaps Hillary is not the biggest threat, but that the devil has another, less obvious and even more evil man waiting in the wings. Hillary may even be a tactical diversion to get the Church so focused on keeping Hillary out of office that they don’t see the real bigger threat. But all I know for sure is that I can’t stop praying, or at least that the Holy Spirit is continually pulling me into prayer (I can’t honestly say I’m surrendering to that more than normal).
January 17, 2007 – I was talking to someone last night about how awesome the ocean is – all the creative living things God made and hid away under the water. I can’t wait to explore oceans on various planets during eternity. This morning during quiet prayer time I was thinking about Damon’s analogy about the scuba diver. Being a scuba diver I well know that snorkeling is fun but once you’ve been down to the deep and hung out with the stuff on the ocean floor you’ll never be satisfied looking down on it from the top of the water anymore. My TC kids have barely even begun to wade into the water, much less start exploring all the treasures there are at sea. There are treasures out there in the vast depths of God that are beyond our wildest imaginations and it’s all for us to go get. We were made to live under the water fall where the depths of that ocean calls out to the depths in us, beckoning us to come find the treasures.
Shifting thoughts now, I had a dream the other night that was significant but first I have to explain that I had a phone call a few days ago from a well meaning older person who called to scold me about being too juvenile and encourage me to basically “grow up”. They were careful to point out that I was mature in a lot of ways but there were just some areas where I’m still juvenile and they were afraid it is harmful to my ministry or the witness of my character. The whole thing was over me writing something about poop on the back of an envelope that I had sent a birthday card in. I explained to the well meaning person that in all my conversations with God and all the things He’s trying to fix in me, He’s never really seemed to care about me talking about silly things like poop. Still it bothered me what this person said and I went about my day wondering if I was out of order and really should change my sense of humor to fit what this person thought was appropriate. That night I had a dream. In the dream I was in a discussion with this person and as I talked the anointing increased stronger and stronger until it was no longer me talking but I was prophesying. Basically I was talking about how ridiculously off focus the church culture is and how we focus on such petty things while the important things, the things really important to God’s heart go untouched. So the church is really good at making sure we all don’t say certain words that are considered ugly and we watch out for people who dress differently than we’re used to and try to correct that, and as soon as we get a new convert we start to make sure they dress right, take their earrings out (if they’re a man), cut their hair (if they’re a man), get their language fixed, and stop smoking. But we’re really bad at making sure they get plugged in with a godly mentor who is more focused on making sure they develop an ear to hear from God, develop a solid devotional life and learn how to pray, and we’re bad at staying with them through discouraging times and going out into the bar to drag them back in when they stumble. We’re really focused on making sure out teenagers don’t get tattoos, piercings, mixed up with gothics, emos, or skaters (because they’re obviously not Christians, right?) and that they don’t do anything too extreme. But what is God focused on? In the dream the issue wasn’t poop, it was the word “butt” and I was going off on how can we be so focused on correcting people for saying a word like “butt” when we don’t get nearly so offended about the 1,000 babies that are killed every day in America. How can we be so sensitive about someone saying words that the church culture has defined as offensive but not be willing to adopt a kid or foster some kids who’s crack addicted mom’s chose to put up for adoption instead of having them aborted. When I awakened I remembered the dream well and thought it was probably just a crazy meaningless dream that was birthed from the phone call the day before. But in prayer I asked the Lord and I felt like He said in my heart that it was accurate and that He is very saddened by the church’s shallowness in the issues they consider important at the expense of never touching the issues that are on His heart. So that liberated me from the heaviness from the day before but it was not meant to give me the right to try to pick a speck out of someone else’s eye, rather to expose the board in my own. What issues do I think important that are shallow compared to the things on God’s heart which I should be focused on? Lately I have been preoccupied with finances, political issues at the Ranch, a roommate for my house, colors to paint my walls, improvements to my yard, even over-tending to some guests who have stayed in my home the last three days. All these things that have taken some of my focus away must take a backseat today. Oh how about this – I’ve been focused on signs and wonders lately – praying for them, watching for opportunities…and this is good but it must take a backseat to praying for souls! And what about the things I’m focused on in the boys at TC? I think my focus for them is good mostly. Sometimes I get more focused on them having a good relationship with me rather than a good relationship with God. But mostly I think I’m on there. I certainly am more focused on them getting to God and being baptized in the Holy Ghost than I am about their tattoos, piercings, music, or whether they call me “Brother” Steve. Man, I really hate that rule. We will end the reign of religion in the Church!
January 16, 2007 – The focus has been awesome. I did lose focus over the weekend by spending more time with the boys than I should have. I invited them over for movies and steak on Sunday night when I should have spent that time with Him. Then later I spent the night at the ranch because of ice and then I felt prompted to go spend time alone in the chapel with the Lord but went to watch a movie with Phase 4 instead. The lose of focus manifested itself in weakness. I’m back now though and can’t get enough of Him. Refocused. It’s hard to keep this but it’s so worth it!! He’s worth it. I had 3 guys from the New Life Drama Company staying with me last night and again tonight. We had such a great time worshipping and watching Ramp and such last night. Dylan and Mike graduated yesterday. I am amazed at their progress – especially Dylan’s, but it still worries me…they don’t seem ready to me yet, but there’s nothing I can do. And no one made me an expert on who’s ready and who’s not anyway. God be with them; run baby run.
January 11, 2007 – I’ve met with the mentor and talked about what I was supposed to talk about. I’m hoping he does his part now. So far it’s going well overall. I have been off from the checklist I made myself concerning the things God told me to be doing and not to be doing, the wineskins, and the first works. But I think it’s expected that it’ll take some time to conform to those lists. As long as I’m trying and don’t quit I’m good.
January 9, 2007 – Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. We can’t conjur up more faith when we think we need it. The only way to get faith is the Word and Jesus is the Word. We have to focus on Jesus. Any situation that makes us say, “Oh, I need more faith” has already got our eyes off Jesus. “Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith”. The looking has to come first. “Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross.” He who is our example showed us how to get to the cross (as everyone knows Jesus died to show us how, not so we wouldn’t have to). The way to the cross is focusing on the joy set before us. For Him that was us…when he was on the cross we were on His mind. For us the joy is Him. Staying set like flint on Him will get us to the cross and nothing else.
January 7, 2007 – I have new instructions concerning how to father one of my spiritual sons. It’s so easy to push a spiritual son but it’s hard to pull one back because the last thing I ever want to do is to put out a fire or hold them back. However, this particular son keeps making such severe goals in things like prayer, bible study, and fasting that he continually sets himself up for failure. And this particular son doesn’t understand grace well enough yet to handle failing. He thinks he is failing God, hurting and turning his back on Him if he fasts three days instead of 40. This perceived failure gets him down quick and hard. I was asking God just not about what to do. I said, “God I don’t want to put out his fire.” God said, “You’re not putting out his fire, you’re protecting it.” Indeed if I had asked him to do a 3 day fast instead of 40 he would have made it and instead of getting down, he’d have a whole new level of excitement and fire to gear him up for the next commitment. As it is he is doing well to keep going after a big disappointment. Psalms talks about not being like the horse (who runs ahead of you) or the donkey (who you can’t get to go anywhere) but to be like the (proverbial) sheep who follows right beside you. If a spiritual son is a horse who runs ahead then it is the spiritual father’s role to pull him back for his own sake. This will not be a fun idea to try to get across to him…he resents being held back.
I also had a strange dream last night in which there were some black boys adopted into our family and it was holidays and everyone was together and they were not being allowed to go out with their friends. These were teenagers and at that point where friends seem more like family than family does. They were sulking because they were not being allowed to go out because of family time. I piped up and explained to them, “I understand that in both our generations friends seem more like family than family does. But it’s only temporary. When those friends move off the family connection stops and when those friends have families of their own they won’t be like family to you anymore. But with your real family, it doesn’t matter how far away you are, you’re still family, and it doesn’t matter who gets married you’re still family. And when you get in trouble or when you get sick you don’t turn to those friends you turn to family. When deciding to invest in stock you do research to see where you will get the greatest return and invest there. Invest some time this holiday into your family.” LOL it’s so strange. Also in that dream one of the black boys had lost an arm and coming out of the gross wound on his shoulder where his arm used to be was this mouth with big gnashing teeth. I told him it looks like his shoulder at his arm…yeah, that’s probably not a meaningful dream but at any rate I made a good point in my little speech J
In prayer today I prayed over the church the prayer that Jesus prayed in John 17 for those that would come after the disciples. I noticed that he prayed a LOT for unity and He said that He gave us His glory so that we might be one…I had always thought unity would bring the glory, but it’s the other way around.
January 6, 2007 – I had a couple dreams the other day, the night after we got back from Ramp. I had spent the night at Eli’s house that night because I’d been driving all day and I didn’t feel like going another hour and then driving back up to Beaumont the next day. I told him the dreams and neither of us could see a spiritual significance at that time but today I got the revelation of one of the, which is hardly a revelation since it’s so obvious, but somehow I had missed it until just now. The dream took place as I was, at home on break, and I got a package from pastor Don, my mentor. In it was my copy of a note which he had sent to all his disciples and it said something like this, “Whatever you need to get over break, you’d better do whatever you have to to get it!” And then also in the package was a whole lot of scraps of paper on which were written little encouragements from many different people. I remember thinking how much trouble he must have gone through to get all those personal notes from so many just for me. And that was all the first dream. I now realize that the dream is simply answering the obvious question I had after God had told me that I needed to work closer with my mentor. I had wondered exactly what his role is to be and the dream explains it’s to push me and encourage me.
The second dream I had forgotten until just now. I still can’t remember who the other person was, but me and someone (someone who I think plays guitar or piano) were living in these apartments that were right next to a big catholic church, and we started attending this church’s 2nd service (they had 3) on Sunday mornings. We were doing the music in the second service as a kind of outreach to help do a little part in helping that church come out of religion and begin to really seek God. We weren’t able to do any great revolution in that church but we played out little part in that second service by making the worship more genuine and helping the church seek God. Then we moved across town from the church and it was a pretty good drive to the church and we were thinking of finding another church but I think we decided it was worth the drive to continue the ministry at the catholic church. Still don’t know what that dream means, if anything.
Today I drove from Hot Springs to Prairie Grove. I was a little surprised at how unwelcoming it seemed and how sad I was. I felt it when I drove into town and I felt it again when I was unlocking the door to my home. Strange. I guess this is definitely not my home.
I’m amazed at how the Lord is being so good to me! Today I was blessed by a big and new TV! Charlie and Jeannine were given a new flat panel TV for Christmas and needed to get rid of their old big TV which was only a year old. And then Jill needed to get rid of a lot of steaks so they could make room in the freezer for the new steaks they’re going to butcher soon so I got a big ice chest FULL of steaks. As I struggled to fit all this in my car and in my freezer I kept thinking of that verse, “Test me now in this and see if I will not pour out a blessing so abundant you won’t be able to contain it.”
January 4, 2007 – What a great trip to Arkansas today. I had such a great time with the Lord – from intense adoration and expression of love to extremely intense intercession for the nation and crying out for an awakening. It was birthed out of brokenness. It has been a breaking in me to once again lay my boys and girls and all the rest I have to leave behind in Beaumont and Kirbyville. It’s like Abraham having to sacrifice Isaac on the altar, and even though I may not have to go all the way to driving the knife through them, because I still get to maintain some relationship with them, I do have to drive that knife down in my heart and circumcise it of any way in which they have become an idol in my life or any way in which I’ve become a codependent leader and boy that circumcision in my heart hurts as I obediently drive away from the kids I love the most.
I am thankful for such a great time with them over break. I got to strengthen some relationships and renew others. I have a couple spiritual sons who especially positioned themselves to receive as much as I would give to them over my visit and those I am especially thankful for, and I’m thankful for the progress the three of us made during this time at Ramp and after Ramp. Each of us have made prayer and fasting commitments that if kept will stretch us far beyond what we have ever been stretched before and hopefully take us into levels of God deeper than we’ve ever been before.
I have been able to be obedient so far to His command to refocus every morning and it’s made a big difference. I’m remembering why I do this so that I do it for the right reason every day.